Image by Jen Kiaba photography
Reading this now I vaguely recall this gesture of raising a pinky as a sign of love. Funny to know now where it came from. My memory of it had to be from you and my father. How I wish that it could have been Bill instead. I remember many times asking about your past loves, before dad, and being told of Bill and how smitten he was with you. But I was never told that you had given it another shot after I had joined your life. Obviously, I was too young to create memories of him myself. I wish he had worked out for you. I wish you could have felt for him what he did for you. I wish you could have had some stability and support in your life. Maybe I could have avoided my daddy issues and had a normal healthy relationship with an adult male had he been in our lives.
I think it strange that you could not bring yourself to find happiness with him, a man who loved and cared for you, yet you tried so hard to find happiness with my father who was selfish and hurtful. I find in life that I am rarely lead by my heart and always make decisions with my mind. Perhaps this is why.
Image by MFAYRE Photography
Maybe it's a coping mechanism, maybe I'm delusional, but although I can recall what my childhood was actually like, the yelling and drinking by my father, I believe I had a good childhood. You see, you were MY stability and support in life. You were my constant, and although you didn't always provide a consistent environment, your love and devotion to me was rock solid. Maybe Bill could have done the same thing for you. Though if he had, we would not be the same people we are today and our story as we know it would cease to be.