Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Spending Time Waiting

September, 1984

Dear MaryJanes,

You continue to make me smile with your sweet little ways. There is something about the softness of your baby legs that makes me squeeze them and say, "I am going to get your chunk-o- legs" You giggle with anticipation.
I have taken you to spend a few hours here and there with your father. He usually asks me to stay around or go somewhere with the two of you. I usually end up doing so, with hopes of having "family time" and it does not occur to me that this just makes it easier for him to watch you. He tells me that he has to drive by my apartment every day to and from work and it has become very dangerous. He explains that he tries to look over into the parking lot to see if my car is there and what type of car might be parked near it. He tells me that he has almost gotten into a few accidents doing this, I think to myself, {well...then don't do that!} He seems to be jealous of the unknown events that might or might not be happening in my life. This gives me a sense of accomplishment. Is he learning?
On a Wednesday in the middle of the month I had a date set up with a guy I had met while out with my friend. Our plans were simple, he was coming over for a visit, and to have dinner. I spend allot of time getting ready and have everything set for dinner. He should arrive about 11:30am. He should.....but he doesn't. For the first time in my life, I am being stood up. I put you down for a nap, and I lay down on my bed and drift off.

A knock on the door wakes me up after about an hour. I look out the peek hole and see blond hair, he finally made it, I assume. I open the door and say, "Where have you been?" But to my surprise it's your father. He sees that I am "dolled up" as he refers to my hair blown dry and make up on. I see his face turn to serious and maybe even a little surreal. He asks if I was expecting someone and then begins to snoop around. He goes as far as to even open the refrigerator and see the large steak I have ready to prepare. He says, " I can't take this anymore, I miss you and I can't stand thinking about other guys dating you." Has he had an epiphany? Or is it that autumn is in the air and is to be followed by winter. Summer is winding down and motor cycle season is dwindling away.

It's interesting that later, I learn that your father actually met the guy that stood me up. How small is this world? I had met him on a Saturday night, and I had saw your father the next day and told him I had been on a date, I even told him the guy's name when he asked. Later on Wednesday he tells me that he actually met the guy on Monday at a motorcycle shop he was at. Turns out they both went to the same cycle shop, on the same day and struck up a conversation. And then my name became the topic. So, I ask myself, was I stood up or was it an intervention? I guess I will never know.

Your father is handsome and charming and I tend to forgive him too easily. I so want this family to be together and to make a happy home. I can work hard enough at it to make it happen. I just need a few crumbs thrown my way now and then. When he and I go out and have a good time, I am on a high. His gift of gab with people amuses me and I enjoy the new adventures that he brings into my life. I am a junkie for those times, always waiting for the next "fix."

So here we go again, we will give this union, called marriage another try. He makes many promises and I believe he is sincere, time will tell. Keep in mind that I am young and trusting.

Now Give It Time.

Love, Galoshes

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