Monday, November 29, 2010

Putting Things In The Past


Dear Readers.

Funny writing "readers" as I suppose there are only a handful of you that have followed along. When the idea of this blog surfaced in my mind, I had the notion of helping other young mothers struggling in dead end relationships for the sake of their child. I have enjoyed the years of open communication with my daughter and she amazes me every day with her creativity, her ideas and her sense of herself. I find that rereading my letters to her and then retyping them into this blog stirs up so many feelings which in turn weigh on me for weeks after wards. I was 19 years old and unwed when I became pregnant with MJ . I was so unsure of myself and it shows in the choices I made to continue to reunite with her father. I had such a low self esteem that I did not know how to break away and stay away from her father for good. I see it so very clear now and when I read my letters I have such a strong sense of guilt and anger that rushes over me that I feel it might be best to fast forward into the next chapter of our lives. I truly want to step away from those memories of her father and start up where our lives take a turn of events. In my day to day life I rarely have a thought of her father, but since starting this blog, I find myself digging up those awful feelings towards him and the sense of guilt for not providing MJ with a healthy father figure. I was so set on making our family work 'someday' that I short changed so many todays.
In the next few days I will do a fast forward of events leading up to me finally sitting on a front porch and telling her father that neither of us was living up to our full potentials together and that I was leaving him for good. And I did, I left him for good. Wow, now that felt good to type.
Let me do that again.... I did, I left him for good!
I now have a smile on my face.
So I hope that you are each good with a change in the story. I will fill you in on the events of 1994 to 1998. At that point I will retype letters MJ and I exchanged from that point on. When MJ signed up for the military on her 17th birthday, and then left for basic training we wrote back and fourth so often that it will take days to get through those! So the next couple of posts will be a summary of events and pictures over the years.
I hope you will continue reading along and let us know if these letters touch home with you in any way.
Now Stay Tuned,


  1. Of course I will stay tuned. I can't imagine the pain you have revisited by typing up these letters, so it is completely understandable. Thank you for carrying on with your story.

  2. I honestly cant wait. I LOVE this blog. It is one of my favorites out of hundreds on my reader. The letters are raw and the emotion seeps from them. I think you should consider having them published in a book if you could handle it. I would buy it.

    The letters are so inspiring from a parental standpoint. Amid the struggles what shines through the words on the page is the love you have for "MaryJanes". The amazing job you did with her and the evident blessing she is in your life. Thanks so much for sharing.
    tai @ taidye original

  3. I am definitely staying tuned, I adore this blog! I can't wait to read more!

  4. oh Bless you... life does throw interesting curve balls... We love, and fall, and grow and change. Been there. I think that is why it's so good to read your experiences. Keep up the good work. Others do learn from your experiences. I certainly do. And you do such a good job writing the events in your life. Thank you for sharing.

  5. Love the blog, and as they say, "When you know better, you do better." You did the best you knew at the time and there is no way to predict the future.

  6. Of course we will be reading! I am just getting caught up again, and know how hard you were trying to make things work~ I'm sorry how hard it has been to revisit this time in your life...I'm looking forward to seeing where life took you XO