Sunday, November 14, 2010

Setting Boundaries

September 1992

Dear MaryJanes,

Considering you are only 9 years old, you seem to have a grasp on who you are and what you want in life. You are mature for your age and this is a good and a bad thing all rolled up into one little ball. I don't want you to miss out on being a kid, yet I want you to learn to be accountable for your actions.
You have earned many freedoms and continue to earn more as you prove to be very responsible. Rarely, do you give me any reason to use a harsh tone.
I have been strict with you. I hope that when you are grown you can look back and know that I am strict now so that you learn the rules I set in place for you and in turn earn freedoms. Some times parents find it easier to give in to the wants and wishes of their children. They let them get away with more than they ought to. I think that it might be easier to show you the rules and boundaries and then you learn good habits. Time will tell I suppose. For now, I go with the thought of, "here are my rules, follow them, be rewarded with making choices on your own = happy mom!"
So far it works. Make sure when you are older you tell me how it worked for you.
P.S. After you get married and have your own child, you get to make up the rules.

Now Go Outside And Play!
Love, Galoshes


  1. Funny that you considered yourself strict. Although I do remember having the fear of God put into me by you, I have no idea how you did it as I don't remember you ever being strict or doing anything to me. I think I just hated disappointing anyone. I already felt like such a disappointment to my father (mostly for not being a boy, or being born at all) that I couldn't stand disappointing the one person in my life I depended on.

    That and the fact that I've always been a terrible lier and would not be able to get away with things if I tried to!

  2. MJ,
    You might not remember me being strict because of the time line. I was strict with you in your toddler and early youth years so that by the time you reached school, good habits were already set in place.
    I agree with you that you don't like to let others down. The guilt comes over your face almost immediately. If I could rewind the clock with the realization that you were more harmed emotionally by an inactive parent, rather than an absent parent....I would have left him and stayed gone the first time.
    I am grateful that you picked a husband that is very active in your children;s lives. I am so happy you didn't follow my mistake!
    I love you and your beautiful family!