Breathe

Image By: Sixth & Main

January 1983


Dear MaryJanes,

I have had no detailed conversations with other women that have delivered babies, so when I am given a paper bag to breathe into, I can only imagine how frustrated the nurses must be with me. They can see that I am not prepared. I have no breathing technique, and I insist that I do no want pain medication. The doctor gets impatient and breaks my water. Why wasn't I consulted on this issue? Isn't that suppose to break naturally when you are ready to arrive? I can honestly say that I am not a huge fan of the traditional medical practice. I would prefer to be in a cabin with a mid wife instead of this sterile room. As it turns out, you are a large baby and it is probably best that I did not get that scenario. I finally am convinced to take something for the pain. I can honestly tell you that I have never used drugs or alcohol, which might be the reason that the pain medication put me right out. I asked if I could just sleep for awhile. I want sleep! We are in the delivery room and the doctor starts to get nervous, I have no energy to continue to push, I can barely keep my eyes open. He has no option other than to get the forceps and help pull you out. You take your first breath and follow up with a well deserved scream. Your father is there, he comments on the delivery, "There is no pee-pee" I interpret this to mean, "Congratulations, Lisa, you have a beautiful baby girl."

You are a beautiful, healthy baby at 9 pounds 1 ounce. I breath a sigh of relief and fall asleep as they take care of your needs. The medication that I was given for pain takes hold of me and I do not remember much right after you were born. I know that at some point they want me to stand up, but I pass out as my feet touch the floor. Next thing I remember is waking up in my room. I am bonded to you the second that I hold you. Everything in my life up until this moment means very little to me. You are my baby and nothing on earth could make me happier. What shall your name be? I ask that question several times.
Your father is rarely at the hospital, he has a cause to celebrate at the bars, and takes full advantage of that. My doctor notices this and grants my wish to stay an extra night in the hospital to get the additional help from the staff while I am there. I have told him that once you and I go home, I am on my own, without any help from anyone. We will be out in the middle of the country with a car that does not have brakes.......still.

On the 5th day, you are finally given a name, it will be Heather-Lee

Image by irenesuchocki

I love you more than my own life. So this is what motherhood feels like!? It is like a natural high. A feeling so calming that I just sit still and watch you breath. I have forgotten all about the morning sickness, it seems like ages ago. I can see that you look just like me, I wonder what your personality will be? Will you be quite and shy? Will you be out spoken and adventurous? So many events to look forward to. I adore you, Heather.
Now just relax.

Love,
Galoshes